How Far I've Come

A Bell Let's Talk Day Reflection

So, here we are again with another Bell Let’s Talk Day in Canada. While I know that Bell doesn’t always have the best track record in practicing what they preach (then again, does anyone these days?), I can’t ignore the fact that they’ve been willing to help start conversations around it for the past 11 years. It’s also a good reminder for me to reflect on my own mental health journey and how far I’ve come.

For personal context, I’m an autistic man living with depression and anxiety, both of which are intertwined with how my autistic traits manifest themselves. I’m pretty sensitive to some temperature changes, though my body does well to climatize itself in a controlled environment. Situations that put me in high demand can sometimes overwhelm my brain, leaving me with an ongoing headache and fatigue. I also have periodic trouble with social situations, and some conversations have put me toward a downward spiral.

There have been times, whether I’ve been stretched to my breaking point at work or home, that I had wanted to give up. There had also been a few close calls. But once I started getting the help I needed, things started to get better; I can go through a workday and have a better idea on how to handle a situation. I have people in my life who act as a good sounding board for when I need to discuss my issues. While not every problem is solved, I’m at least trying to work things out.

I also recognize that I need to work harder on improving my spiritual and prayer life as well, since health is an all-encompassing thing. I’m hoping to try to incorporate more prayer and Bible readings into my routine so that I can maintain a good, honest relationship with God. While I understand that many people aren’t into Him, it is my belief that I have found some of the best people in my life because of Him.

My hope is that we, as a society, can work harder on making each other better. I think that was part of why I started wearing suits more often; I wanted to work on being a better man, and I wanted to communicate that commitment in a way that looked and felt empowering. After all, when I look good, I can start to feel good.